The subject has been brought up – we want our priests to be real men. There is just a question I would like to ask. What is a real man?
The internet abounds with caricatures of masculinity (of course within the bounds of Christian decency): the late nineteenth century handlebar moustache, city dress, belonging to the right club (having come from the right background), sports, having served in the Armed Forces, being game for a fight, all the way to the Übermensch of Nietzsche and the old Nazi ideology. Manliness is opposed to femininity or having characteristics in common with women.
The notion of masculinity is cultural and has taken different forms in history and parts of the world. Manliness is embodied in the myths of the old Greek gods and heros, Jupiter, Hercules, Alexander the Great, and survives in more recent military figures like General Montgomery and Charles de Gaulle. Other archetypes of masculinity would be described in his relationships with women, typically dominance tempered by chivalry and the spirit of the gentleman – simply respect for other persons, be they men or women. The notion of courtship was developed in the Middle Ages, and the man would be defined by his virtues, courage and generosity.
In the early twentieth century, men were associated with the image of the man working in industry, doing hard physical labour. Women are supposed to admire the virile and muscular body of a man whose body is an indication of will and self-discipline. Our behaviour as humans is not exempt from the animal instinct of dominance in the pack, as in the case of most mammals, especially the higher species like dogs, cats and primates. The real man is the alpha… Is he?
Obviously, the man most of us conservative Catholics and Anglicans would see as being suitable for the priesthood is normally constituted as a human being of the male sex. Crudely put, he has a penis and a pair of balls – and they work! Genetically, he has a Y chromosome and an X chromosome. More than one of each, and he / she will be genetically abnormal, suffering from Kleinfelter’s Syndrome, for example. A normal man has the right hormones flowing through his body, but perhaps in differing quantities.
After a man’s physical integrity come the social expectations. Boys and young men are expected to be interested in sports and develop a competitive spirit, which later extends into business and politics. To what extent do we have to be machos, alphas, images of little Hercules, or whatever? Do we all have to be good rugby players?
I do think the concept of masculinity has become exaggerated and distorted. I enjoyed boyish games as a lad – climbing trees, building dens, fishing, making things – but I hated competitiveness and fighting for the highest rank. I also loved (and still love) art, beautiful works of architecture, music, singing in choirs, making vestments, cooking and many of the finer things of life. I am aware of the danger of making a caricature of manliness to promote violence, immoral competition, physical and psychological harm to women and a despising attitude in regard to “weaker” men and women.
What about the “fine” men who are artists, musicians, men who work in trades traditionally associated with women such as sewing, cooking and interior decoration and design? Traditionally, we tend to consider such men as homosexuals and effeminate, and therefore not real men. We often read articles about how the world and the Church are becoming “feminised”, leading to the replacement of men in the clergy by homosexual men and “butch” women. We should be careful to be fine in our distinctions.
I prefer the medieval notion of manliness (other than the image of the knight who would lop your head off with less compunction than swatting a fly!), that of virtue and morality. We can be heterosexual and moral men without the body of Hercules, and may even be concerned for the aesthetic aspects of church culture and the liturgy. Perhaps men are more concerned for the liturgy than many women I have come across.
I do think we should avoid the caricatures, which in certain cultures and times led to Nazism and outright cruelty. The ideal man is not the psychopath who kills without compunction or remorse, a sort of James Bond or Bruce Willis figure. Most men have never killed under any circumstances, and would suffer remorse if they had to. I see very little Christian virtue in admiring guns, fast cars, women as sex objects and so forth. Is it virtuous to take risks? Perhaps, in some circumstances. Prudence is also a virtue, and avoiding a risk shows concern for our loved ones. We don’t have to drive dangerously or have a car bigger than what we actually need in order to be a real man! Some men think it is unmanly to consult a medical doctor too lightly – to our own peril on account of that undiagnosed heart condition or developing tumour.
I would be inclined to see manliness in our relationship with women, other men and the world. I have nothing against the “macho” type, but I will not consider the artist or the quiet contemplative man as any less a man. What often is irritating is to find men playing the caricatured role of women – especially in the form of cliques and unhealthy relationships, which might be an indication of sinful homosexuality, but not always.
We often find courage and stoicism as masculine virtues, but I see no less of those virtues in the many women who resisted the Nazis during the war and often gave their lives in atrocious suffering for King and Country. Faith is also a masculine virtue, but it is also a feminine one.
For me, the most important virtue for the priesthood is not so much “being a real man”, but being altruistic, having empathy for other people, being unambitious and lacking the thirst for sex, power and money. Men without virtue can be seen as wimps, but lack of courage and conviction is unbecoming of women too. Being a gentleman is being a person of virtue, kindness, consideration for others, but women can be that too.
Only men can be priests – for the reasons given by Tradition and the Church’s teaching, and not for the reasons of being good rugby players, or looking down their noses at art and beauty. What I admire in a good priest is not a caricature of masculinity but the combination of faith, hope, charity and the moral virtues – someone who makes Jesus Christ present among us. I ask your prayers that I may be given the strength to practice such virtues myself and be worthy of that wonderful gift I have received in the priesthood.
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A difficult question, difficult to answer. No 'one size fits all' for we/us(?) males to follow. It's sort of 'I know it when I see it' kind of thing.
Example: Father John Corapi – a manly man and a manly priest. He is the first to come to mind. Might take a while to come up with anyone else in or out of the church and that's sad!
You've captured something very important here, Father. Masculinity is a real something – not merely a social construct. However, any of our attempts to grasp or define it run a tremendous risk of being a caricature. Being masculine is not something defined over against being feminine (since, as you point out, many masculine virtues are also feminine). Too many boys who are good at music, know how to dress and groom themselves well, and have a greater emotional intelligence than some of their brethren feel that they are not masculine, and are bullied for it. To many girls who are strong and competitive either feel that they must model themselves on a caricature of masculinity, or feel that they are deficient as women.
Masculinity and femininity are mysteries. They are, I believe, created to give us a sign in nature of the unity and diversity that exist within the Trinity, and the relationship meant to exist between Christ and His Church. These mysteries are not understood through logical definition – certainly not by defining them against something else. Rather, as mysteries, they can only be grasped by entering into them – by experiencing them. A husband and wife, each confident in his or her own sex, are unconcerned about doing something that might make him look like a woman, or her like a man – and yet they see the differences of the other's sex even when he is changing nappies, and she is wrestling with their teenage son. They discover what being masculine and feminine are through living their life together.
Even more so – fortunately for those who are not, or not yet, married – we discover what it means to be masculine or feminine through participation in the Liturgy of the Church. When we say that a priest must be male, what this means is not nearly so much that men have something needful in a priest that women do not have, but that the priesthood has something which men need – that it is in the priesthood, with its particular way of being "another Christ", that we see something of what it means to be a man. When we describe the Church as the "Bride", it is not so much because she is like a woman, as it is that we discover within the Church – as in Our Lady – the mystery of what God intended in His creation of the feminine. Of course, the Church is the Body of Christ, and as such, becomes more and more like Him – meaning that although the Church does not lose her feminine quality, that quality is certainly not opposed to being made ever more like the Perfect Man.
These things are the reality to which we must look; our own sexual existence is only a poor metaphor, and often one gone badly wrong.
One can almost hear Poirot, “Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose”. Still it’s also fair to admire the virility of an Archbishop Turin; absolving Franks with his right hand whilst relieving Saracens of their heads with his left?
1125 He pricks his horse and mounts upon a hill;
Calling the Franks, sermon to them begins:
"My lords barons, Charles left us here for this;
He is our King, well may we die for him:
To Christendom good service offering.
1130 Battle you'll have, you all are bound to it,
For with your eyes you see the Sarrazins.
Pray for God's grace, confessing Him your sins!
For your souls' health, I'll absolution give
So, though you die, blest martyrs shall you live,
1135 Thrones you shall win in the great Paradis."
This sounds more like Osama bin Laden than Jesus Christ.
Do we really need the darkest hours of the Middle Ages replayed? Surely the ordinariates will be about Newman and the development of doctrine rather than recovering the examples of medieval warrior bishops.
J.H. Newman ora pro nobis!
OK then. The Song of Roland = The Song of Osama.
Please, get a life.
Middle ages not sufficiently "counter-reformed" for you?
The idea that a cleric, cannot, in case of necessity, be a warrior
owes more to subjective sensibilities than morality.
Note the case of necessity would be a rarity these days due
to the existence of professional, standing armies.
Many attempt to visualize what it takes to be a man. So, Robert Lewis some years ago decided to lay out his Four Marks of a Real Man: His masculinity is based on faith, not flesh. In short they are:
1. A Real Man rejects passivity.
2. A Real Man accepts responsibility
3. A Real Man leads courageously
4. A Real Man expects the greater reward
May we all be given the fortitude and grace to fulfill these simple four goals?
Any Leanne Payne readers here? Hmmmm, I wonder whether she would be interested in joining an Ordinariate.
Both men and women need to have a balance of some masculine and feminine traits—for instance, it is a masculine trait to initiate things, but women need to have that trait, too.
Interesting post, Fr. Anthony.
Deborah
Deborah,
I am a fan of Mrs. Payne's writings, however, she no longer worships in an Anglican church. For years, Payne has attended a Lutheran church.
Actually father, I think we want our “manly” priests to be functioning social human beings, men of living faith and men of the people. Yes, my priest has faults, but unless I see a good model of what Jesus would be like walking on this earth, then I’m walking the other way.
Too many priests I have known are good at the role in the robe and the sacristy, but lousy at living their faith among the people. They are brilliant theologically, but lack social graces. Fortunately our God helps all of us change for the better. To accomplish this, priests need to make their parishioners their first priority. Let the committee meetings wait and walk among your people. If the parish saw more of the priest in a pastoral setting outside of the church, just think of the power of this witness. On the flip side, parishioners should ask their priests to appropriate social functions. If your priest likes to fish, take him fishing. If your priest likes baseball/football, then ask him to a game. You get the idea.
Men of living faith live it outside of their comfort zone. Priests need to live the gospel and proclaim the gospel. It’s easy to get rid of the moneychangers in the temple, get a broom and start cleaning up the streets in your community. You have all heard of that obnoxious “church” that protests at veteran’s funerals (you know the ones who scream at the grieving relatives that their dead ones died in vain). Well, they decided to show up here and cause some trouble at a local high school. Our priest told us when and where they would be and encouraged all of us to show up and have a peaceful prayer rally. He carried the crucifix. As soon as they showed up they packed it up and left. Jesus 1, false prophets 0. Of course our priest informs us about the standard Catholic issues of the day (abortion, stem cells, death penalty, etc.), but he is also willing to push all of us out of our comfort zone. He has taken tough stances on gangs and other issues, helping our city come to grips with divisive issues. In that same vein, we know nothing of persecution here in the West. Look at the stands your brother priests are taking in the Middle East, India and China. Which question do you answer; am I willing to pay the price, or what price am I willing to pay?
Men of the people have no ego and no ax to grind. To quote Ronald Reagan’s inauguration speech on January 21, 1981, “There is no limit to what a man can do or where he can go if he doesn't mind who gets the credit.” Each parish has such a wealth of talented people who are waiting to be asked to help the ministry and mission of the Church. Priests need to help discern and cultivate the gifts of their parishioners so that they can not only grow in their faith, but that they can also help others grow in theirs. In other words, is your parish thoroughly catechized? And what happens when you find a parishioner, including women, with a gift that can benefit various pastoral or ministry needs in the parish? Do you quench their spirit, or do you foster their spirit? Again, you get the idea.
This is the type of "manly" priest that I will follow.
Remember, this is only my opinion and should be taken as such. Many good responses have been already been opined, many more will follow. If you don’t agree, that is OK, father asked for opinions, so that is what I offered. Please take it at face value. There really is no rebuttal an opinion, just add to the mix.
Blessings,
Clark S. Olsen
Thanks for the picture of Don Camillo- the very first role-model of priesthood I ever came across in my teens! He is still a literary hero of mine!
Over the years, I have come to believe that defining masculinity begins with the passage in Ephesians 5 where St. Paul teaches on family relationships:
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church, and delivered himself up for it: That he might sanctify it, cleansing it by the laver of water in the word of life: That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any; such thing; but that it should be holy, and without blemish. So also ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, as also Christ doth the church…
This model of masculinity, of sacrificial love for those who have a claim on him, I see as the foundation not only for husbands, but also for priests who are to be true shepherds, who must follow the example Christ sets forth in John 10:
He that entereth in by the door is the shepherd of the sheep. To him the porter openeth; and the sheep hear his voice: and he calleth his own sheep by name, and leadeth them out. And when he hath let out his own sheep, he goeth before them: and the sheep follow him, because they know his voice…The hireling, and he that is not the shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth the sheep, and flieth: and the wolf catcheth, and scattereth the sheep…I am the good shepherd; and I know mine, and mine know me. As the Father knoweth me, and I know the Father: and I lay down my life for my sheep.