When I attended by first plenary of the Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops (CCCB) six years ago, I confess I found myself rather dismayed.  Of course, most of it was a blur. I did not know anyone.  It's easy to make snap judgments.

The bishops struck me as nice men, but tired, and perhaps a bit battered by political correctness. They seemed to be bending over backwards to be accommodating and inoffensive, especially to women.  I quickly realized the Catholic Church, in Canada anyway, is in as much internal disarray as say the Anglican or the United Churches, save for the Pope and the episcopal hierarchy.  There are liberal and conservative and traditional and charismatic and pr0-life and social justice and you-name-it factions sometimes warring within one fractious family.  That was my first impression.  Since then, the beauty and the love and the gleaming treasure within this family have come into focus.

Though I knew the TAC was in informal talks about communion with the Holy See and I was already a big Cardinal Ratzinger fan in 2004, (we were all rooting for him in the conclave in 2005) I still had a basically Protestant theology of the Church and of the Body of Christ as a mystical entity, an unseen fellowship among believers that transcended any earthly institutions.  What mattered was a shared faith in Jesus Christ–and of course, a personal relationship with Him.  It took a few more years for me to begin to grasp a more Catholic ecclesiology.  I thought I was already Catholic because my faith was more catholic than most Catholics I ran across.  I had a lot to learn.

But it has not been doctrine that is drawing me into the Catholic Church.  I am content with the doctrine I get at our little bastion of sanity at the Cathedral of the Annunciation.  We receive great teaching from our priests.  And our worship is beautiful.

Why I yearn to be Catholic goes way beyond doctrinal assent or a desire to be obedient on principle–it's a deep-seated passion, from the heart, because of the love of the Father,   drawing me through  faithful Catholic bishops like Cardinal Marc Ouellet,  Ottawa Archbishop Terrence Prendergast and  our previous Nuncio, Archbishop Luigi Ventura, who is now in France.

I love them.  I want to be able to receive Our Lord from their hands.   I want to be in heaven with them and take my whole family with me.  And all my friends.

They have revealed to me in profound, personal ways how alive and well and beautiful the Catholic Church is at the level of her institutional, earthly structure.  I yearn now to be connected because of them.   And I could not began to name the many beautiful priests and lay Catholics I have come to know and love.  There are many more bishops who I do not know as well, but who have also been loving and kind to this journalist who is still an outsider.

Today, Cardinal Ouellet officially begins his duties in Rome as Prefect for the Congregation of Bishops, where he will have a major role in advising the Holy Father on episcopal appointments.

I try not to think too much of our loss here in Canada.

But yesterday, I received a little consolation via email.  When I had checked the Archdiocese of Quebec website for photos of the reception after his final public celebration of the mass Aug. 15, the photo I hoped to find of us together was not posted.  I do not photograph well and figured, drat! my eyes must have been closed or something.  But I wrote to Jasmin, the communications director at the diocese, and he sent me the photo I have posted here.   What a joy to have this photo.

Other consolations yesterday.  I went to the diocesan centre to do some interviews with the wonderful folks from Catholic Christian Outreach, and interviewed an evangelist from the United States, Peter Herbeck, who is leading a retreat today on the Holy Spirit.  He told me of how recent popes have written or spoken of the "signs of the times" as centered around the new movements in the church focusing on evangelism, community, orthodox faith and mission.  Readers here will know this is a subject I love. Herbeck spoke of the new Pentecost, and I have been praying for that.  He and the president of CCO, Jeff Lockert then prayed for me.  What a joy it is to meet people like this and write about the life-transforming work of the Holy Spirit in so many lives.

Then I went upstairs to meet with Archbishop Prendergast.

He told me Cardinal Ouellet would be starting his official duties in Rome on the day the Church remembers St. Augustine. We reminisced about our friend, talked about his last interview on the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, which we agreed was really good.

The interviewer didn't always interrupt, she let him talk, and he is always great when he can just talk, because he always says something surprising, the archbishop said.

When the interviewer confronted him with criticism from one of his fellow bishops, the cardinal defended the bishop rather than himself. He also had that "little hum of love that he gets," I said.  Yeah, it's something that even leaps out of the television screen.  And it's contagious. You think about it, you talk about it, because you know its Source, you start humming, too.

And I thanked Archbishop Prendergast for not being ashamed of us in our little Traditional Anglican Communion/Anglican Catholic Church of Canada band.  He seemed  surprised I would thank him.  But we know not everyone wants to be associated with us because we are small, we are depicted negatively, especially by those in the Anglican Communion who see us as schismatics and cultists.

For someone like Archbishop Prendergast to come to our little cathedral—which would tuck neatly into his private chapel—it's a type of the Incarnation, when you consider how beautiful the heavenly Notre Dame Cathedral Basilica is.   But he came one year and prayed with us for 45 minutes, kneeling in one of our creaking pews, when we had a quiet day in honor of 40 Days for Life.

I can't tell you how much that touched me.  It was like being Cinderella and getting an invitation to the prince's ball.

And this was before Anglicanorum coetibus.  As Fr. Ed Tomlinson is discovering, being an Anglo-Catholic who wants unity with the Catholic Church is a journey that loses you friends on both sides of the Tiber.  I've only been at this for 10 years, but I have seen the contempt and derision in which many hold us—as schismatics, as cultists, as the off-scouring of the earth and we deserve to gnash our teeth in outer darkness and find no home anywhere.  I'm not kidding.

There's an old praise song from the 1970s that goes "They will know we are Christians by our love."   Where I see the love of Christ shine the brightest—that's where I want to be.

Political machinations, planning and scheming or any sort of intrigue will not win the day.  Love will win the day.  Those with the shining faces, ablaze with the love of Jesus, united by the power of the Holy Spirit—they will be the credible witnesses.  If we, as we claim, have the Truth, we will also be alive with a holy Love.    Like that I experienced with the new religious community Famille Marie-Jeunesse a few weeks ago.

Here are some links to the stories I did on Famille Marie-Jeunesse for those who want to see more evidence of how the Catholic Church is alive and well and brimming with the love of Jesus, under the protection of His Blessed Mother.  The picture shows our former Nuncio Archbishop Ventura with FMJ members out in front of the Nunciature in Ottawa.

I remember Archbishop Ventura standing in the centre aisle at a big cathedral, handing out the Blessed Sacrament after the installation of a new archbishop in Kingston.  He was so present for each and every person who came to him to receive, aglow with joy and love.   What a way to bring to life the meaning of  in persona Christi, no?

Yes, I see lots of love in Christian circles outside the Catholic Church, too.  Jesus is alive in them too.  It is ultimately love, through the Holy Spirit, that will unite us all in one Church.

Salt and Light TV,  Canada's Catholic television network, posted an English translation of Cardinal Ouellet's homily at Sainte-Anne-de-Beaupre on Assumption.   I'll close with some of his words.

"His will is nothing but love."

and

"Conscious that the bonds of love formed by the Spirit will never die and will always keep us united together, I promise you, dear friends, to carry your intentions daily to the altar of the Lord."

He means it.  When he talks about eternal life, not only does he believe it, but he gives you a glimpse of it.  His theology about the love within the Trinity is something he helps you experience. You come into his presence and you taste it.    As my Bishop Peter Wilkinson, who has read Cardinal Ouellet's theology, told me, he is a "luminous" man who is "living out his theology."

In the homily, he asked for prayer as he took up his new duties.  Can we agree with him in this?

"Confident that the bonds formed would continue to unite us in the love of the Church, I commend myself to your prayers that you would obtain for me the gift of spiritual discernment and the wisdom necessary to accomplish my new ministry in full uprightness of conscience," the Cardinal said.  "And that my daily collaboration with the Holy Father Benedict XVI would be selfless, prudent, effective and loving. That nobody would ignore the importance of the ministry of bishops at the service of which I will henceforth dedicate all my energies. That the Holy Spirit and the prayer of all the faithful would come to my aid."

Related posts:

1. The Anglican Patrimony: The Love of the Liturgy and the Love of the Least of These
2. A Service of Love
3. Ottawa Archbishop Gives "The Anglo-Catholic" a Shout Out
4. An Anglo-Catholic Reader in Quebec
5. Anglican Catholic and Roman Catholic Mutual Liturgical Enrichment